FRANCIS BONNEFOY: A User's Guide
by cactusitude
Summary: Hetaliadroids, Inc. thanks you for purchasing a FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit! Although it is not clear why you would want to buy such a product, we have included this handy instruction manual so that you may wring every drop of... enjoyment out of your purchase.


**Note: I realize xXLunarEclipse896Xx has written an instruction manual for Francis, and LolliDictator is planning to release one, so I'm sorry ;A; Not intending to rip anyone off, I just read a few of the Hetalia ones and before I knew it had written one of my own. **

**Hetalia does not belong to me~ Hidekaz Himaruya owns it. **

**I wasn't intending to be offensive about the French, I was just invoking stereotypes for fun. **

**Aaaand for anyone following Hot Cops and Confused Canadians… I will update it, soon.**

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**FRANCIS BONNEFOY: Instruction manual**

**Hello, valued customer!** We, Hetaliadroids Inc. are glad that you have purchased a FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit. Although it isn't exactly clear about why you would want such a unit, it is our wish that you wring every possible drop of... enjoyment out of your unit.

**Specifications**

Name: Francis Bonnefoy

Answers to: Francis, France, France nii-chan (preferred name), Frenchy, Frog, Wine Freak, Pervert (dislikes last 4.)

Age: 26

Place of manufacture: Paris, France

Height: 175cm  
Weight: 73kg

Length: Ask him. He'll tell you. A lot.

**Encluded in your shipping container are the following items**

1 FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit

1 French Military uniform, circa WW1. (Which he will hopefully be wearing. We accept no responsibility for your unit having removed his clothing during shipping.)

12 Roses of l'amour (TM)

1 bottle Sauvignon Blanc wine circa 1946 (a good year)

2 extra large wine glasses

1 designer stubble maintenance kit.

1 red, white, and blue g-string.

1 set false cat ears

**Programming**

Your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit is equipped with the following traits:

Chef: Sick of eating processed foods? Simply ask your unit to cook for you! His delicious meals will be more than enough to satisfy hunger pangs! However, beware: if he dislikes you, or you are an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit, you may find he cooks your food out of bizarre ingredients, such as your beloved pet rabbit. It will still taste great though!

Spy: Your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit is handy with a camera, and will gladly take sneaky photos of anyone you want, particularly if they are attractive. Soon you will have more blackmail material than you could have dreamed of! He is excellent at spreading unpleasant rumours about other unit's freaky sexual practices. He also looks damn good in a black suit and sunglasses. You may pay him with copies of any perverted photos he takes.

Stripper: Forget ARTHUR KIRKLAND units! Your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit is the best stripper you will ever meet. Your unit will be happy to dress up as a hot cop/school girl/sexy nun and dance for paying customers. Actually, you may not even need to pay him! He'll be happy to do it for free! Sit back and watch the cash flow in.

**Removing your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit from packaging**

Due to your unit's perverted, playful nature, you will find it difficult to simply open his box and reprogram him. To preserve your innocence, we have provided a list of (hopefully) fail safe ways to remove him from packaging. Hetaliadroids Inc. holds no responsibility for loss of virginity resulting from failure to follow these instructions.

1. Buy some supermarket croissants, microwave them, stick them on a plate near his crate, then waft the smell toward him. He will proceed to leap from his box whining about "Ze desecration of French cuisine!" He will then proceed to try and teach you to cook croissants properly, during which time you can sneak up on him and reprogram him. Or learn to cook.

2. Place some maple syrup drenched pancakes OR spotted dick pudding near his shipping crate. He will wake up, and then will either go happily of in search of a MATTHEW WILLIAMS UNIT to cuddle/grope; OR wake up laughing in a manner promising perversity and start looking for an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit. Either way, you will be able to reprogram him.

3. Set an ARTHUR KIRKLAND or ANTONIO CARRIEDO unit in BADASS PIRATE mode down near the crate. Upon hearing them carousing about yelling, he will cower in fear in his box, allowing you to reach into the box to reprogram him. Unless they get him first.

4. Open the box, introduce yourself, and he may let you reprogram you. Or, if you're attractive, try and have sex with you. Stay vigilant!

**FRANCIS BONNEFOY has 5 modes:**

Carefree (default)

Sex obsessed (default)

Cowardly

Badass pirate (locked)

Fatherly (locked)

1. CAREFREE: Being French, in his default state your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit will be easygoing, cheerful and epicurean. He'll laugh, chat, and insist on good music, good wine, good food and good times. Despite being rather snooty, this will make him a pleasure to be around. However, you may find that this pleasure is marred by his other default mode, SEX OBSESSED

2. SEX OBSESSED: Being French, FRANCIS BONNEFOY loves sex, and all sexual acts, ranging from romantic and passionate to... kinky and depraved. He may not have gotten any since WW2, but that certainly hasn't dulled his enthusiasm. In this mode, he will attempt frequent sexual advances and make lots of double entendres, and may even try to rape you - but in a cute, funny way! Stay vigilant! He will also try it on with various other units, especially cute or tsundere ones (he LOVES cute tsunderes), such as ARTHUR KIRKLAND, FELICIANO VARGAS, ANTONIO CARRIEDO, and if he is feeling daring, IVAN BRAGINSKI. He tends to favour the dominant role, but nonetheless is very easily dominated. His chances of success of actually getting another unit to have consensual sex with him are 0.007%, but if he succeeds... cover the house in cameras, and leave for a couple of days.

3. COWARDLY: Being French, your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit will tend to extreme cowardice. He may talk big about past victories, but the truth is, he hasn't done well in any war since the time of Napolean. Therefore, if you make any threats toward him, he will react by cowering, crying, and running away. Even small, bitey dogs and tough children are more than a match for him. The only time your unit will show any bravery is if he is in his next mode, BADASS PIRATE.

4. BADASS PIRATE (locked): A long time ago, during the age when piracy was at its peak, the French had a strong force of pirates. When in this (understandably) locked mode, Francis will become extremely tough and frightening, sew himself an elaborate pirate costume, then run around carousing, stealing, and generally being a nuisance. To get your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit in this state, introduce your unit to an EXTREME UKE mode ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit, or a MISERABLE MESS mode ANTONIO CARRIEDO. Your unit will feel better about himself by comparison, as well as very turned on, and so will exert his dominance by going into BADASS PIRATE mode and pushing the other unit(s) around, stealing their stuff, and having rough sex with them. However, beware: Being confronted by a BADASS PIRATE mode FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit may cause the unit(s) to rebel and go into BADASS PIRATE mode themselves. If you have the misfortune of all three of them becoming like this, expect lots of trouble to be caused, liquor stores to be robbed, weird sex to be had, and angry neighbours to show up at your door at all hours. We accept no responsibility for any damages caused when the three are in this mode.

5. FATHERLY: Being French, your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit may not seem to be a potential good parent, especially given his history with Chibitalia, but in fact France was a father figure to Canada in the 1600's/early 1700's, and proved to be surprisingly responsible, if a somewhat bad role model. To set Francis into this mode, make sure he is in either a CAREFREE or COWARDLY mode, and then present him with a MATTHEW WILLIAMS unit in any mode aside from MANLY; or a CHIBI CANADA or CHIBITALIA unit in any mode. Upon meeting any of these models your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit will become fatherly, affectionate and indulgent to any small children, MATTHEW or CHIBI units he meets. He will also give plenty of relationship advice, much of it questionable. Use him to babysit your kids; just don't be surprised when you come home to find them troublingly knowledgeable about sex.

**Relationships with other units**

ARTHUR KIRKLAND: France and England have a long, conflicted history. They have both fought each other and together, and have a long standing rivalry. They've also had a lot of sex. Like, A LOT. At many times through history. Don't ask your unit about this, you don't want details. The pair will generally bicker a lot about who is smarter, more perverted, more cultured, etc. If the situation calls for it they will also ally and become quite a formidable team. Depending on what mode they are in, they may also have sex. Lots of sex. If you don't want this, DEFINETELY don't unite a SEX OBSESSED and HORNY mode FRANCIS and ARTHUR unit, or two BADASS PIRATE units, or a BADASS PIRATE FRANCIS and EXTREME UKE ARTHUR, or a FRANCIS unit in any mode except BADASS PIRATE and a SEME ARTHUR unit. Just don't. And definitely don't set up camera's all over the house. And leave sexual paraphernalia lying around for easy use. Just don't.

MATTHEW WILLIAMS: France was the first country to colonise country, and as such your FRANCIS and MATTHEW unit will share a deep, father and son style bond. However this will not prevent your FRANCIS unit from trying to seduce any MATTHEW units. He may or may not succeed. We certainly don't recommend setting up cameras just in case. FRANCIS will be very affectionate toward MATTHEW units, cooing about his love for his "dear little Matthieu", and will often be the only unit to not confuse a MATTHEW unit for an ALFRED JONES unit.

FELICIANO VARGAS: Despite being prone to stealing his paintings and being a bit of an ass toward him, your FRANCIS unit is quite fond of FELICIANO units, and will refuse to turn against him or hurt him. He will always be pleased to see any FELICIANO units, and may even try to seduce one. If this happens, watch out for any LUDWIG BEILDSCHMIDDT units, unless you want your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit to receive a thorough ass-kicking.

ANTONIO CARRIEDO: The French and Spanish have a strongly intertwined history. Your FRANCIS unit will be fond of any ANTONIO units he meets, and the ANTONIO units will generally respond well, but may occasionally comment that their relationship is "regrettable". Part of the reason your FRANCIS unit is so found of ANTONIO is because in his defualt CLUELESS mode he is easy to molest. Stay away from LOVINO VARGAS units.

GILLBERT BIELDSCHMIDT: This is another unit FRANCIS gets along with, as the two both consider themselves amazing and fearsome. Your FRANCIS unit may actually have some sexual success with this one.

NOTE: If you get 3 ANTONIO, FRANCIS and GILLBERT units together at the same time, they will immediately ally themselves together, and will run around causing trouble. If they have a common enemy they will be fearsome and violent; however if there is no one to fight they will just get into various shenanigans and pull silly, although rather ingenious, pranks against RODERICH EDELSTEIN and ARTHUR KIRKLAND units. If you have a sense of humour you will find this entertaining; if not, keep them separate.

**Cleaning** Your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself. However, he may insist on you bathing him/bathing with you. There is no need for this, unless you're into that kind of thing.

**Feeding **FRANCIS BONNEFOY is a naturally talented cook and will make delicious French food of his own accord. He generally eats small gourmet meals 3 times a day, and will also try to feed you the same. We recommend eating what he gives you, he is an excellent cook. However, you may want to watch out for excessive amounts of wine or rohyphnol. Do not attempt to feed him processed or British food, you will never hear the end of his whining.

**Rest** Your unit will sleep when he's tired, usually from midnight to 10 am. Do not interrupt his sleep, or you will be faced with a barrage of endless whining about "my need for beauty sleep!" It is recommended that you give your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit his own bed; however, you may find that he would prefer to sleep in yours. Do not give him any leeway or he will consider it "our" bed. Or do, but be warned, he likes to sleep naked.

**Troubleshooting**

Q: Help! My FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit keeps stripping naked and running around covering his genitals with only a rose! And then going and harassing my friends units to strip too! My friends and family refuse to come over anymore! What can I do to stop this?

A: First of all, don't be worried, this is not a glitch. It's a feature (plus we just couldn't get him to stop doing it). Francis considers the human body beautiful, especially his, and as such will decide to show it off as much as possible by streaking. You may be able to coax him into getting dressED with offers of French cuisine, wine, or sexual favours. Good luck!

Q: My unit is small, beardless, bratty and clad entirely in blue. What is this, I didn't pay for this!

A: Oops! We appear to have accidentally sent you PRETEEN FRANCIS BONNEFOY. Please contact us to ask for an exchange, unless you decide you like this less highly sexed version of FRANCIS.

Q: My unit keeps trying to sex with me! I'm underage/have a significant other/just plain don't want him. How can I stop this?

A: Well, congrats, you're presumably good looking as Francis, being a lover of beauty, only tries to sleep with attractive people/units. There isn't much we can do. Either tase him in the balls, hire a LUDWIG BIELDSCHMIDT or VASH ZWINGLI unit to protect you, or gain 20kg and wear a sack to make you less attractive.

Q: My unit keeps leaving porn mags/sex toys/other unit's underwear everywhere, and every time he has sex he destroys the house! Can I stop this?

A: Nope. Your unit will do whatever he likes in regards to sexual matters. You may program him to his FATHERLY or COWARDLY mode, which will calm down this behaviour somewhat, but generally you can't do much about this. NOTE: We take no responsibility for property damage. He breaks it, you bought it.

We hope you enjoy your FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit, and get many years of... pleasure from him. And please, remember our motto: "Hetaliadroids Inc: Please dont sue us!"


End file.
